CHOOSE LOVE OVER ANGER
"Let us all resolve to choose love today. The love and joy in our lives will grow greater with each loving choice we make. All the years of our lives can be full of love. It is up to us, though. Will we grow old in misery and loneliness or will we grow old in happiness and love?"
"Love dissolves anger, love releases resentment, love dissipates fear, love creates safety, love brings us peace..."
"As in every piece of wood there is hidden fire, so there is hidden anger in every human being."
~Joshua Loth Liebman
"Replace fear with love wherever you find it. Have the courage to replace that fear and doubt with love instead (in your actions, your thoughts, your being.)"
Of course, we all get angry some times; we all have the right to get angry some times; but when it is really becoming a problem and every little thing makes us angry or we take things personally all the time - we need to do something about it, because it will affect every aspect of our lives and it definitely will affect our health (physical and emotional.) It will affect our relationships, it will affect our interaction with others, it will affect our school work, our jobs, etc.
You have to ask yourself why? Why are you so angry? What is really bothering you so much that it is taking over your life and creating such misery? Why are you in so much pain? Why are you so afraid? No, it is not good to hold anger inside, anger can make us sick and can even kill us; and it can kill others too - when people react in irrational ways and lose control of themselves. But we have to learn to understand the reasons of our anger (the source of our pain and fears) and then start working at getting rid of it. Louise Frechette* says:
"Every time you get angry and upset about something, it's because you're afraid. So, stop and ask yourself when you get angry: what am I afraid of?"
When we recognize what we're afraid of, the anger will diminish. Yes, it is good sometimes to yell and punch a pillow, or do a lot of exercise and sports; but don't ever take it on somebody else, don't take your anger on your friends, your parents, your sisters or brothers, your girlfriend or boyfriend, your neighbors... In the end this will just make you feel worse and you won't like yourself. Anger, resentments, bitterness, guilt - these negative feelings will only bring us pain. We have to learn to let go of anger and negative emotions. That's not to say that anger is always bad; there are times when anger is justified - but try to channel that anger in positive ways (like fighting for a good cause, volunteering or raising awareness about some important issue.)
Learn to develop patience; with patience comes tolerance and calmness. The more patience we have, the less irritation, anger, and rage we'll experience.
No one is perfect, we all make mistakes; so it is essential to learn to forgive (to forgive yourself and forgive others.) When we forgive we feel liberated, a big weight comes off of our shoulders and we just let go. I'm sure you can find some great advice in books or talking to friends, your parents, a counselor, a therapist, a priest, a pastor or a rabbi. You forgive, not for the other person's sake but for your own. We all do crazy things some times, we all screw up some times, so see the humanness in others and forgive them.
Learn to say "I am sorry". We all hurt someone some times, intentionally or unintentionally. So what's the big deal? Let's say I'm sorry, even if our intention was not to hurt the other person. The other person will appreciate it and most likely forgive you. And if they don't forgive you, at least you know you tried. We cannot always please everyone. Just try to do the right thing and it will make a big difference and you will feel good about yourself - you will feel at peace.
Learn to have fun and appreciate the people in your life. Remember, your thoughts are powerful, so believe that the people around you are nice and understanding, concentrate in their good qualities and you will definitely attract interesting people. You don't want everyone to think that you are always in a bad mood - that you are a very angry and miserable person - because people will just stay away from you. Your moods definitely affect the people around you. Learn to communicate your feelings effectively and assertively and others will respect you more. You should not insult others and make them feel bad, just tell them how you feel. Take a deep breath and calm yourself before you talk to others and trust that they'll understand. If you don't take a defensive and confrontational attitude everything will be fine and things will get resolved. Trust yourself!
Start appreciating yourself and truly loving yourself and you'll see how everything in your life will change for the better. You will certainly attract people and feel good about your life. And remember: you have the power to change and to become a loving person instead of an angry and miserable one (it's all up to you!)
"Love, as a choice, is power. Instead of choosing to hate, fight, undermine, or manipulate, you could choose LOVE, and that choice might help you find a more positive solution to any problem."
-Laura Berman Fortgang ("Living Your Best Life")
"Wherever you are in life, anything that can be learned, can be unlearned, and relearned..."
"Don't hold to anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love."
"Anger can become a habit. Tremendous energy comes with anger. Do not suppress it -that would hurt you inside. Transform it, use that tremendous energy constructively - on a task that needs to be done, or in a beneficial form of exercise."
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
"In order to receive true love, we have to heal our hearts. And healing the heart begins with forgiveness. When we learn to forgive, we love ourselves better."
"Love is the root of all civility and morality. Without love, it would be impossible to live in peace with one another, to respect one another's needs and to treat everyone with the same compassion that we would like to be given ourselves."
-Menachem Mendel Schneerson ("Toward a Meaningful Life")
"Life is too short to be upset all the time..."
"Keep your temper, no one wants it..."
"Anger creates more anger."
"Irish Proverb: 'When your are angry, you're carrying the burden while the other person is out dancing."
"Work to find peaceful solutions to conflicts - in your school, your neighborhood, this world..."
-Oscar Arias Sanchez
"Try to solve your differences peacefully, in a civilized way - through dialogue, through negotiations."
-Oscar Arias Sanchez
"Those who are free of resentful thoughts surely find peace."
"Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind. Anger will disappear just as soon as thoughts of resentment are forgotten."
"We have to recognize the negative emotions that hold us prisoner. It is hard sometimes to recognize our anger, our jealousy, our ignorance; but by denying these emotions we just build them up more. Only by acknowledging them can we get rid of them and destroy their power."
"When we choose forgiveness, we are choosing to stop projecting our inner conflicts onto the outside world, and we are freeing ourselves of the prison of our own thoughts and feelings."
-Gerald G. Jampolsky and Diane V. Cirincione ("Love is the Answer")
"Forgiveness is at the heart of a healthy and happy life. Forgiveness protects relationships. It also protects the person who does the forgiving... Forgiveness is a method for giving love."
"Forgiveness is not an occasional act; it is a permanent attitude."
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
"To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness."
"Staying close to God is the key to holding your balance in a world of severe ups and downs. It's key to staying in a place of inner power and presence so you can make wise decisions for yourself and your loved ones. And staying close to God is the essential piece we each need to be a thriver, not just a survivor."
-Dr. Meredith Young-Sowers
"Believe in the power of love and that in the end, it will heal all of us..."
-Megan Wenzel (Age 11)
* Louise Frechette is a writer for "The Holy Encounter" Publication of the Miracle Distribution Center. Quote mentioned in her article "The Child In All Of Us" of the January/February 2004 issue.